this was a letter to cindy(the twin)telling her about what happened this thursday and friday, its long but hell you might like it


jeuse christ Cindy, #sigh# i need to send you this because i have no one to tell, other then you, you know when i lost my walet right?? well after i gave plasma and started on my way home i thought things were going to get better, i was wrong, very wrong, i caught allmy trains on time and by the time i got home it was like 7pm or something, and i showed up my Garage i saw the door was broken and there were books scatered every where, they weren't my books but books my grandma owned that were in a boxs in my room. when i went through the back gate and looked in to my room i saw my bed was all mested up and there were boxes throughen everywhere, remember i said i was mad when i lost my walet, well the angery came out there, i went to the stairs that went up to my panents room and yell "hey what the fuck happened to my room" (i'm sorry but this is going to be kinda long) no one answered me so i yelled it again even louder, this time i got an answer, my dad started yelling at me. "what the fuck are you yelling at me for" (ohhhh i sorry but there is alot of saring) "you know what david fuck you" " you come home bitching about giving blood" "david fuck you" i couldn't keep it in anymore, he has been yelling and bitching at everyone for so long, but with the blood lost and walet falling out of my poket, it broke the camels back
i couldn't help my self, i say sorry. "no fuck you dad" i yelled back at him and it just became a yelling match for a while until my grandma showed up shreeching about shuting up, she stop in front of me and started telling me to shut up, she was blaming me for everything, even though she didn't know why we were yelling. now i need to tell you this because it means lot when it comes to fights at my house, especially when it with my dad, once you are drawn in to the fight there is no way of getting out of it, my father will egg you on and yell so many things about how your this and that, and i know you going to say well why don't you just ignore him, i'm going to tell you this, that it is impossible, he wont let you sleep or have any peace, until you either fight back or he passes it out. "fuck you david come up the stairs and i'll keep you fat ass" my dad yelled down stairs to me, my grandma is standing next to me and i yell back "fuck you old man" and suddenly my grandma says " what did i tell you" and she reachs back and with left hand she tries to slap me, she has slaped me a couple of times before usually for singing to loud or droping a dish or two, but this time as she tried to slap me i smack her hand way saying "don't you touch me" and once i did that my father was rushing down the stairs, i think my father must of thought i hit grandma or something. he ran down the stairs and smashed his fist in to my face. you have to understand this, me and my father have faught only two time before this, i had seen him fight a couple of times before that, all those times i saw that he, my father was a dirty fighter, one of the most dirtiest, but he once told me on the subject of his dirty fighting that he didn't fight dirty, he fought street. well the first time i fought hime he through a drink in my face and once he did that he pushed me and i slipped, and in a flash he was on me pounding my head, i lost, the second time we were in the back yard and as it almost turned into a boxing match, or well i though it was going to be. my father started to through the things around him at me, and as a steel stool hit my arm and i was blinded by pain he desended on me with fists more ugly and brused then mine, that fight i lost too, ohhh and to point out something is the what started the fights between us was im mother, he was yelling at her, to the point where she was braking down enough to try and take her life, i was defending her all the other times. so now when my father punched me in the face i was fazed but not enough to get hit by the second punch he through, i could stop, i wasn't thinking of how all it would end or how this might effect my life after, i started to punch, he was drunk so he was slow, plus since i've been working out and running i was a bit healther, i also knew his moves by now, and like the first time we fought i turned him around like he had done to me and started to hit the back of his head, its not dirty fighting it only street. ^-^! by this point my yound brother came from the kitch and my mother came from up the staires, they tryed to pull us back. my younger brother dosen't like me so much, every time it comes down to were he could hurt me he will, julin(my brothers name) while pulling me back used his figure to dig into my right eye. we were pulled back and everyone was yelling my mom was crying i think, julin looked at me with hatred. i yelled at my father, who yelled at me, he suddenly broke from the grip of the ones holding him back and punched me in the cheeck, his punch was way too week and he was way to slow by then, he was tired i was not, i broke free and started to punch him in the face a couple of times before he went down on all fours, i fell on top of him as if we were going to play horsy, when i did this julin pushed my head into the stair case, my head hit the bar real hard( i have a bruse and cuts on the top of my head)but hitting the bar only made me more angeryer, like a money i started pound on my fathers head until everyone pulled me off him. i'm sorry but i'm not normaly violent and i'm rarely emotional but when i put way bad feelings and anger, they become a snow ball, falling down until at one point i brake and everything comes out, you must understand that, mike will understand it also. when my father finally limped up stairs and i was pushed in to my mest up room, are fight was done, well at the most, he yelled treats to me about killing me and hime destroying everything i owned, and i couldn't help but yell back sometimes even though i need to calm down, my grandma yelled at me as if it was all my fault and told me i should leave, i thought about it and i realized i had no where to go no house to sleep at close. i could tell you i was a man and i stold strong but i'm not going to lie, i cried for everything, i cried for my room, for my walet, for my brothers hating me, for my loneliness, for my family never being on my side and never being able to help me, and as i cried i heared my mother who was sitting in the middle of the stairs to keep my father from coming down the stairs towards me saying that i was a problem child and i need help. this broke my heart and even though i know she was drunk like him, it stills sting,i went through my pokets when i calmed down and pulled out my ipod, my head phones were smashed in the fightm they mush have falled out of my shirt in the fight and got trampled on, i unhocked the ipod from ear phones and put the ipod on the school desk i have. i barricaded my door because i wasn't sure what my father would do and went to asleep. because this is alredy too long i slpit the story with out feeling, i woke up and saw my broken garage door and it irrated me so i tryed to fix it, i tried so many times with no prevail, my hands, toes and leg got cut up and when i was finally able too push the door up i walked in to my room and suddenly a chain of things happened with the door, but to put it short and it clasped on me. the garage door waighs at least hundred or two hundred pound and it fell on me. i heard a pop in my shoulder when it fell on me, and even now i can not stop feeling pain in my left shoulder. my room was still mested up and as i sat on a foot stool looking at the broken door that lay there shining in the afternoon sun. i picked up my lat ciguret that i had put away a long time ago, i only smoke cigrets for a couple of reasons, i don't smoke normaly, i only smoke when i'm uncomfortable, stressed, or need to think, guess why i smoked this time, stress and to think. there was no way i could fix the door now on my own, i need my dad, but after last night you think he be angery, but things seem less real when a day passes, especially if you were drunk the night before. i called my dad for help and for a moment he didn't answer, i called again and this time he did, and long story short we made up and we sorta fixed the door, but now this is what the problem is now, me and my father are buddy buddy now but i'm missing my ipod, the one so shortly mike had given me, i've check every where but there is no luck, i've even started cleaning to look for it, i have had no luck and i'm scard someone might have stolen it, but i don't know who, i have bad luck but this is ridicules..... sorry this is long but i have to tell someone, show mike this message ok, and tell him im really really sorry, bye